toothpaste for dinner

Okay, not really. I'm more of a Married to the Sea/ Natalie Dee girl really. Though Toothpaste for Dinner does have its moments of hysterical. The precipitate one gets me every time. No wait. That was a lie, but I couldn't think of another one at this point in time. 

What? You don't know about this trifecta? OH HONEY. Let me tell you... but it'll have to be some other time.

Also, I think toothpaste for dinner could be a good diet idea. I mean, have you ever brushed your teeth and then had a glass of orange juice? Nastiest taste in the world. I think teeth brushing and eating anything pretty much always results in a nasty taste therefore consuming just toothpaste for dinner could really help you lose weight. 
But anyways...
Let me get to the point of my post. 


It boggles my mind. I mean not really. Its just... its sooooooo hard picking out a toothpaste. Does anyone else have this problem? I'll be out of toothpaste, or need a new toothbrush, so I go to Walmart, because its marginally more economical than Target about that sort of thing. I'll be in the aisle and my head will just start spinning around and around because there are so many damn choices! AGH!!!! I wind up breaking down and crying because I thought I wanted to try an electric toothbrush and I picked it up and turned it on but then I couldn't turn it back off. Then I remember that I think electric toothbrushes are just for lazy people. And then just get completely overwhelmed and run out of the store and use my finger and baking soda for a week until I can pump myself up to take a trip back to the store and do it all again. Its a viscious cyle! 

Well, my friends, if you have this problem like me, I'm here to offer you a solution. I have discovered the most magical toothpaste in the universe! I am SERIOUS!!! I never remember to floss, and it even kinda sorta in a round about way takes care of that for you. It is called 

Crest Pro-Health Clinical Gum Protection Toothpaste.
*Not my toothbrush, that much toothpaste seems wasteful. I found this through google images.
Yes, its a mouthful, but it is AMAZING. And I don't even care that it's like $5 a tube. Its worth a million times more. 

Honey, you will brush your teeth at night and your mouth will actually feel sparkly and tingly and squeaky clean. You can't just hear the squeaky clean, you feel it. And you will sleep all night with your mouth open because that's just what happens for whatever reason and when you wake up in the morning your first thoughts won't be like 'Oh gawd, I have to brush this cat box out of my mouth'. You'll be happy and carefree. You can feel free to make your cup of tea and read the paper and do whatever else it is you do in the morning. Then you can brush your teeth because it seems like that's what you should do not because you have to and proceed on with your day. 

Yes, my friends, this toothpaste is as magical as I make it out to be. And Crest isn't even paying me or anything. I'm only writing this because I was completly blown away with this stuff. Not that I would turn down free samples or coupons or anything! Now, your homework assignment is to find me a toothbrush that is just as amazing as this toothpaste. Then I think I might be able to live a relatively stress free life.


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